Lonely

Suddenly I couldn’t feel anything. I was numb. It was a result of years and years of deprivation. Freedom. Independence. I’ve lost interest in things. Something I used to enjoy a few weeks ago feels dry at the moment. It’s all nothing. Useless. I am in a world which does not exist. I have to meet the expectations of people around me; my own expectation. And they feel too heavy. Too much to do, too much to read, too much to write. I feel the strain. I drink a glass of wine, it doesn’t really have an effect. It’s still too much for me. I dont feel like exercising or going to the gym. I don’t know why. I’m trying to find out why I don’t feel like exercising is a normal routine anymore. I feel bored when I do it in the gym. I feel bored walking in the park all by myself. I want some company. I want someone to be with me. I’m lonely. You can probably see it deep down in my eyes, deep in my soul. I’m lonely. I feel like no one truly cares for me. Everyone who is supposed to care for me either tries to manipulate their own ideals on me or expect me to act in a certain way which is not me. They don’t understand me. I want to be understood. To be loved for who I am. Not for what the society seems fit and for all the expectations they set on me. It’s too much to bear. The same old thing repeating again and again. There is no purpose to life. Just a bullshit.

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