Sometimes I feel like I’m in an imagination
As if life is too unreal to be true
Like my dreams will never come to fruition
That it’s all in my mind
But then I learn to breathe
I’m taking in too much
I need rest
There will be times when you question yourself
Everyone else seems to get the hang of life
Why am I so backward?
I see everyone moving ahead
I’m still stagnant
It’s too much to take in
Alice was in her house. She was all alone in the dark. She is usually afraid of the dark. Terrified. But this night she turned the TV on and sat calmly on the sofa reading her engrossing book about travel and tourism. She always wanted to travel but she never had enough money. So, she’s been stuck in the same city for all her life. She is 35 and all these years she’s never travelled outside of her country. She has been to some cities in the same country but never outside. That disappoints her but at least she can read it in the books to see how the cities she’s never been to are expressed. She can imagine. Imagination doesn’t die and maybe some day she will travel.
This night was different. She didn’t feel afraid of the dark. But there were tubelights in her house and the bulb was burning bright. She didn’t want to turn off the light to sleep. The tragedy of living alone without a husband was she had to endure the dark which she didn’t like. But she felt better than other days today. She felt like she could face her fears with darkness. She can drive away the demons.
ALice went to sleep turning the lights off. She didn’t feel scared. She had the best sleep she’s ever had.
I used to see you everyday.
Every single day – You and me.
You used to teach me right from wrong
Tell me how to play by the rules
But now you’re gone.
Harboring a new horizon.
I will miss you my love.
I will miss you like hell.
You never knew how much you meant to me
How much I valued you
I thank you for all the wisdom and help
I hope one day our paths cross again
I will miss you like hell.
This poem is in response to the short story called Misery by Anton Chekhov
“To Whom Shall I Tell My Grief?”
Sorrow shimmers through his body
His son – his little baby calf – dead!
oh! What agony!
To lose a loved one is to repent a lifetime
If only someone would hear him bawl
Listen vehemently to his grief – his distress – his pain.
He would cry to the world
Curse at the cosmos
To acquire the wishful years lost;
For his only son to reappear in his arms again.
R.I.P – Kuzma Ionitch
Here they appear again
the demons, they envelop the brain
Confusing any ounce of sanity that used to be naturally present
Distortions of visual images
Distortions of sound vibrations in the air
If there’s such a thing as hell
it needs to be this
A deception of the real world
A blockage to function
Unnecessary triggers and gradual increase in amplitude
Weakness in the reality;
Rightness in the wrong;
Believing in the non-existent; believing in the lies.
Deception is hell.
A form of psychedelia.
Fight against all odds.
One of my favorite songs is Enigma’s return to innocence
That will be the return to yourself
The return to innocence
There’s so much meaning and fulfillment that I receive from the song, it’s hard to explain exactly what I feel or to put it in words. But it will not stop me from trying.
I guess it’s because there’s a deep sense of innocence in me which is yet to be untapped. This innocence I feel is pure and cannot be corrupted even under the influence of the most corrupt. It is a feeling of purity, a sense of fulfillment. It reminds me that I do not have to try to be anyone else, but what I am and how I feel is enough to gain what I want out of life, being myself is good enough to make people like me for who I am – and it works every-time.
Whenever I try to be something I am not, whenever the feeling of restlessness kicks in and I do something I am not too proud of, I know it is because I am not my true self. The innocent self within me will never lead me astray. It’s about being human with all our joys, sorrows, difficulties and just being true to the way we feel – whatever it may be. That is what makes me a beautiful person and all the beautiful people I have met seem to have the same attribute of letting their innocence show. It’s when we are afraid or terrified of something that the innocence is hidden. It’s still there but it requires confidence. It requires brevity. It requires understanding and enlightenment. The first notion that appears in someone’s mind when I say the word “innocent” is that of a child – yes, children are innocent but you do not have to be a child to maintain this innocence. Innocence or being a good person embodys everyone regardless of age or substance. The innocence I am mentioning is that of a more mature innocence than that of a child. A child might be innocent because he or she is not aware of everything around them and have not been told. But the innocence relevant to this blog article is that of a mature innocence where people know (say about sex or alcohol or abuse) and yet remain innocent.Yet remain to be on the good side. Yet remain to be transparent in the way they perform actions.
This transparency and this innocence is a result of truth. Truth is the main attribute needed to achieve this innocence, the innocence required for us to trust ourselves, for us to return to our own innocent self – truth is the pathway. As much as I try to be my innocent self I cannot help but understand that judgement does not go hand in hand with innocence.
Love is acceptance without judgement – and what else is love? If not innocence. Trying to be someone you are not will never lead you to the right path. Remember this. You can only be you. You can only find innocence within yourself. Only then will the rest of the world become available to you. This is a rule I need to live by and I need to repeat to myself everyday as much as possible. I have only stepped into the realm of innocence a few years ago and it is time to develop that innocence within me to achieve the impossible. To be truly happy, not just with myself but with everyone else around me.
Any feedback in the comments section is appreciated.